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And Then There Was NICK


And Then There Was 1Nick

1Nick- \ˈnik\

Function:  noun

Etymology:  Middle English nyke, probably alteration of nocke nock

Date:  15th century

1 a: a small notch, groove, or chip b: a small cut or wound c: a break in one strand of two-stranded DNA caused by a missing phosphodiester bond2: a final critical moment <in the nick of time>3slang Britishprison; alsopolice station4Britishcondition <in good nick> OH YEAH AND ALSO ME…….

Somewhere in the gloomy afternoon of middle Germany, during the dreaded Cold War there is dusty room dim and humid with a spectacular event about to happen.  People jumbled around my mother like lions around a gazelle.  My father nowhere in the room to be found, lost in the building.  He must be in the hall not allowed in because of sanitary reasons.  Just imagine this young 25 year old male pacing back and forth with raised blood pressure, sweat on his brow, hands clenched with anticipation.  The room is electric with tension, as my mother is laid out on the hospital bed.  She lets out a primal grunt, only associated with animalistic behavior.  The young doctor turns away instantaneously, to grab a medical instrument of some sort.  That is the very instant the nurse yells out…..

"Doctor his head, his head is crowning!!"

My Mother doesn’t have time to even let the statement soak into to her mind.  She contorts her face with concentration and pain in effort to create one last push.  The Doctor reaches down and doesn’t come back up until he has a 9lb 8oz baby boy.  My mother nearly faints from the ordeal.  The nurses whisk the baby boy away like a feather in the wind.  One hour later they bring him back to my mother, she cries as she smiles with the bliss of giving life.  My father is finally there with a smile (tears also in his eyes) and greets this young man with a hearty…

"Good evening Nicholas, you are perhaps the greatest thing that has yet to happen in my life."

Then boom everything in fast forward…

I turn one.  Dad and Mom get divorced, talk about shitty.  I move to Mora.  I turn four and go to preschool.  Then I turn five that is kindergarten mom gets re married.  Then six, first grade and my first crush comes and goes. Then seven, second grade.  Then eight years old third grade of course, I get my first crush on a teacher.  I blur right through fourth, fifth, and sixth grade.  Seventh grade now I am in the big school, with all the big kids.  Alright! Eighth grade, never new what happened, but puberty kicks in.  Ninth grade start planning for after high school, some scary shit there.  Tenth grade forgot it.  Eleventh grade met another cute gal I liked but seem to have forgotten her name to. Then twelfth grade I graduate and get thrown out into the world.

The real world, fuck I am not even sure.  Of what you may ask? I don’t even know what I am not sure of or if I am sure about being not sure about being sure I am not sure of anything.  Holy shit I am confused, are you?  Where do I go?  Do I get a job, do I go to school?  What am I suppose to do? Do you even know?  Then again I could just…

 Oops out of time make a decision…

Boom fast forward….

The world, ha, what funny place.  I fall in love, then out of love, then in love, etcetera, and etcetera.  I get arrested then find Jesus.  Hi Jesus!  I behave myself get a job and then lose Jesus.  Bye Jesus!  I meet friends, become Buddhist, then Islamic, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, a Quaker, Amish, Jehovah witness, and now not sure what I am.  I find what I like, WOMEN.  I research about what women like.  I know what I like, SEX


Pronunciation: \ˈseks\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin sexus

Date: 14th century

1: either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures2: the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females3 a: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b: sexual intercourse4: genitalia

The second definition

Sexual Intercourse

Function: noun

Date: 1799

1: heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis: coitus 2: intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis

See that’s the one

I never had sex until a year ago.  I go on a sex rampage eleven women in one year, talk about addicted.  I quit my factory job people die.  I become a bartender, finally meet a girl I like and still haven’t had sex with her.  That’s a good thing I need to slow down.  Join college and now here I sit typing the most slipshod thing I have comprehended for a long time.

So that’s me in a nutshell, so how about you.  What do I need to know about you?

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Pouring and Enjoying The Perfect Beer

Nicholas Wells


Process Essay


Pouring and Enjoying The Perfect Beer


Pouring and also enjoying beer is an art.  Which is definitely a part of the overall tasting experience when have one at the local pub or party.  You always achieve praise when you pour that perfect beer as if an artist just painted a masterpiece.  There are many theories to pouring the perfect tap but there is only one really tried and true way used by professional beer pourers.  I have learned this process over my bartending days. 


A perfect pint of beer starts with a just-rinsed, beer-clean glass.  You don’t necessarily need to use glass to do this, because keg parties are usually limited to plastic but try your best to use glass.  Wax lined paper cups or Styrofoam cups should not be used. The inside surface of the container is coarse, or may have a residue from the manufacturing process that will conflict with the beer, resulting in excessive foaming.  Now when I say beer-clean I mean a glass that doesn’t contain, oils, dirt or residuals from a previous beer, for this may inhibit head creation and flavors to be truly appreciated.

                Now that you have found your perfect glass you will need to fill that cup with the golden and sometimes dark nectar of the grain gods.  To dispense the beer, hold the glass at a 45-degree angle about one inch below the beer faucet, known also as a tap. Place your hand low on the tap, near the faucet, and quickly snap the handle towards you with one motion, until it stops and the faucet is open and pouring beer.  This is because Beer faucets are designed to be opened all the way every time. Opening a faucet only partway makes the flow turbulent, supplying nucleation sites and making the beer fizz up. 

                As the glass fills, straighten the glass to an upright position, and close the faucet by snapping it back to the closed position.  Positioning a hand low on the tab knob just above the faucet, this is a technique that minimizes the distance your hand must travel to open or close the faucet. If you do this it allows you to open and close the faucet quickly, which improves the quality of the pour.  You will want to make sure you keep your eye on the glass at all times so you don’t miss this vital process of the beer pouring.

                So now you have your perfectly poured tap beer.  But wait; there are a few steps that should be taken into consideration before enjoying this beer.  The first thing you should notice that you have a three-quarter-inch head at the top of your beer.  You may be alarmed but this is what you are trying to achieve.  Many breweries suggest that a well poured beer should have this.  The head on the beer brings out the flavor and the aroma that is desired by most beer enthusiasts. 

Now if you look closely at the head it should consist of small bubbles of the same size.  These bubbles should be tightly clinging together.  As the beer is drunk, a ring or lacing of foam should collect on the side of the glass indicating each swallow.  This is a sign of a great beer, a clean glass, and also is said to bring who ever drinks it good luck through out their day.  You should watch for foam that is excessively thick and foamy, this may indicate that the gas pressure applied to the beer is too high and the beer is over carbonating.  You should warn the bartender or make adjustments accordingly.

So here you are with the knowledge of how to pour and enjoy that perfect tap beer.  You won’t probably get it down the first couple of tries.  But that’s alright, if you keep practicing you will be the hit of that keg party or the preferred bartender for getting those tap beers.  Now go out show off and enjoy those beers.


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